In case you haven’t worked with a recruiter before, here’s the deal: My goal is to get you as much moolah as possible without having you laughed out of that big conference room where you’re getting the offer. That lady who wants you to work there? Her job is not to get you as cheaply as possible. I know it might seem that way. But let me tell you, if that was her job, I would not work with her. I would have many choice names for her, but none of them would be “Talent Zoo Client.” In addition to entertaining you endlessly with my witty repartee, I am also educating that Agency Lady on how nice she has to be to you because you are Hott Stuff (so hott, in fact, that you need and extra “t”). I have her well-versed in the art of making that delicious offer and how she should do whatever she can to make sure you’re happy while you’re there so you don’t run away and go work for the next bigger and better agency.

Let there be no doubt. I want her to pay you as much as she can. That’s my money, too, you know. And my children must eat. (They have some big appetites, those kids.) But I also don’t want to be laughed to China and back. In the end, I need her to make you a fair offer between salary and benefits and work culture that will compel you to accept it. I need it to be a place that you love or I will be replacing you and having to do twice the amount of work. In other words, it does me no good to sweet-talk you into anything you’re not sure of or make you accept some ridiculously low salary. I must create what I like to call a “win-win” situation for all parties. (I’m hoping that “win-win” phrase catches on in the popular lexicon. Work it into a conversation when you can.)

You know, that’s what I do here. I hook.you.up. I do it because I’m good at it. I do it because I enjoy the wheeling and dealing and the satisfaction that comes from finding just the right job for just the right person. This is not, after all, a one-size-fits-all world.

I do it because it’s what my boss expects me to do and she has this cattle prod thing that I don’t enjoy. I do it so I won’t have to suffer the embarrassment of sucking at my job. I do it because stripping is not an option for me. But most of all, I do it because I get paid to do it.

So, when I ask you what your real bottom line is, what you must walk away with, don’t give me some BS answer that isn’t real. Last week, I was working on getting a great candidate a great job. I asked her that question. “Uh…I’d say I need $60k to do it.”

Of course, we had discussed $55k just a few days before.

As it turns out, the agency was stuck on $57k which was generous given her limited experience. She was pricing herself out of this job.

I told her the very real fact that she would not be making that her first year there. I said, “Look, you aren’t working. Your last job was at $52k. I think you should take $55 if it’s offered.” She agreed and ended up with $57k..

Don’t tell me your bottom line is $60k if it’s really $54k. Think of me like EBay. I’m gonna keep that amount confidential. Remember my ravenous children? They don’t want to be eatin’ KFC when they could be havin’ them some Longhorn. I don’t want you to get $55k if they’ll go to $57k. But if asking for $60k means $0k for both of us, let’s be smart here. Remember, I do this everyday and I am looking out for you…and me, and my kids. And Baby needs a new pair-o-shoes.