I recently celebrated my ten year wedding anniversary. My husband showed up here at the Zoo and whisked me off for some amazing sushi and way too much wine. It was divine. What was particularly funny about the evening, however, was the couple sitting right next to us. They were obviously on their first date. Allow me to set the stage:

Him-slightly balding dude in his 40s. Has chosen to shave it off, which I always support. Well dressed, no tie. Non-threatening, scruffy look. Leaning very forward in his seat as she speaks.

Her-blonde, casual ponytail, late 30s, silky sleeveless blouse and a jacket. About an hour into it, she’s taken her hair down and lost the jacket.

We overhear phrases like, “So, do you eat a lot of sushi?” and “Well, I grew up in New York, actually.”

Ah yes, the GetTaKnowYa. Ugh. How I hate it. How nice to be sitting there with someone who already knew what kind of sushi I wanted and let me drink half his Saporro.

We go through the same period in the Recruiter/Candidate relationship. Sometimes it may feel a little awkward. It may feel like I am getting a little personal and all up in your bi’ness. But, in order for me to work with you, I have to know that we’re on the same page. If you never want to have kids, I need to know that before I open my account at Gymboree. If you hate Fleetwood Mac, I need to know that immediately so I can move on (or arrange a long road trip so you can listen to me singing along with Lindsey’s vocals which will totally change your mind). That’s the way it goes. We’ve all danced that dance.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t usually ask people how much money they make and all about their relationships with their mothers when I first meet them. But at work, I do ask my candidates about their salaries and their relationship with their boss. (If the strife with Mom comes into play, you’d better tell me about that, too.)

Basically, the more information you give me, the more easily I can place you. The more I know about what you want and don’t want, what you’re looking for and what you’ve done, well, it allows me to be a more accurate voice in representing you. If you don’t tell me, I will probably ask. But if I don’t ask, tell me anyway.

Never is this more true than when we discuss what you’ve been up to recently–if you’ve been interviewing and where and where you are in that process. If you are in the final rounds of interviewing with Agency X and I’m submitting you for Agency Y, we need to chat. Your keeping that from me until you decide to accept that position is a very bad idea. It’s a reflection on you with both agencies and will only come back to bite you in the ass. Plus, I’m not sure you and I will be celebrating any anniversaries that way.

You have other opportunities. I get that. There are always prettier jobs. Jobs with a nicer butt or jobs with more dollar signs. You are a grown-up and you deserve to be happy. I am not needy. I am all about the open relationship. I have other candidates just as you likely have other recruiters. But I do need you to be honest with me. Because down the road, when she’s done with you or you realize that padding can really create quite an illusion, you will come back and need me. And as far as I’m concerned, we can pick up right where we left off.

So, let’s take some time to really make sure we know each other. I’ll tell you what I know. You tell me what you know. Let’s agree to talk about it if either of us is unhappy or seeing someone else. Let’s put in the time up front so that we both get what we need out of this relationship. And then in ten years, maybe I’ll let you buy me some sushi and a beer and we can laugh about what fun we’ve had.

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