Dear Mr. I said I was willing to relo but now that I have an offer I’m having second thoughts,

First, thanks so much for taking hours out of your day and mine to discuss the awesome job opening we have. I was excited that you were so excited. You gave me hope and then took it away like a thief in the night.

I understand that relocation is a big deal and that your significant other has a say in it. However, it is you that seems to not grasp that concept. Was she mad when she found out you were actually on an interview and not a business trip? YES! And now, she is not just yelling at you, she’s yelling at me and I’m not in a position to give her a kiss and make it all better. And no, we do not offer that service.

You gave a great interview. BRAVO! You have a great poker face and I commend you considering you probably knew all along that you were chalking the experience up to a free vacation to San Francisco. This may come as a shock, as your refusal to move came to me, but we are not a travel agency. Though, I’d be happy to buy you a pina colada if you would just sign the dang paper work.

After declining, you emphatically expressed that if any positions opened up in X, Y, or Z location that you would love to hear about it. I assumed you were joking because there is no way I will let you be a bandit of my time any longer.

Also, I would love for you to admit that you lack the cojones to tell your boss that you’re moving on. That’s great that he sends you a generic Christmas card every year and thus, you believe that you guys are BFF’s. But guess what? He’s talking to me too and is more than ready to jam out of there. And no, he did not mention that he was going to miss you.

Finally, Mr. I said I was willing to relo but now that I have an offer I’m having second thoughts, I want to wish you good luck. I have no doubt that working on the same no-name real estate campaign will be fruitful and rewarding. But, on the off chance that you get bored please don’t call me. I’m on the phone with a guy who already has his suitcase packed.

Technorati Tags: relocation, interview, job, pina colada, wired and hired