Ok, today let us discuss resumes. They are the foundational factor in getting a job because it is the first thing employers will see from you. Copywriters, this may seem rudimentary but spell check is a definite must. It is great that you have a masters in copywriting but if you can’t spell conceptual correctly then all they are going to read is “dumbass”. You are a copywriter for goodness sakes, your resume should be a plethora of word magic jumping of the page. It should not look like a fourth graders journal assignment. Now, on to the Art Directors, don’t think you are getting off easy. The language on your resume can be succinct no one expects you to be an exceptional word guru. However, what they do expect is for your resume to NOT look like your career biography took a dump on a plain white word document. You are an Art Director, so it would definitely be in your benefit to touch your resume with some of that talent. Or if you are just too in demand to have the time to create a graphic at least do some expert color coding and layout. If you are confused at this point by what I am suggesting then you might want to look into tailoring that resume to another profession.
Finally, I would like to address the weird things people add to their resumes that could do a dance with the delete button. The first thing that can go is that picture of yourself you put on your resume. If you really feel that your face adds to your qualifications then fine, do it; but make sure the picture is classy and understated and doesn’t look like A. You woke up in the same crusted make up you had on the night before when you went to the drag bingo or B. Someone just really pissed you off and in the near future, you may direct your efforts to serial killing. When in doubt, take that sh*t out. Another aspect of a resume that can go is that freaky “about me” portion some of you have in there that highlights your love of cats, cheetos, and fem rock. I’m happy that you and your cat, Miss Kittenfuss, have a great time together but employers do not want to get the impression that you are an angry, loner. If you want to have an about me portion, make sure it is funny, engaging, and has a least some career implications. I understand that all of us have odd hobbies like alcoholism and hobo punching but until you are hired it may be best not to mention it. People, you are who you are and do what you do, but make sure that upon sending your resume anywhere that it highlights only positives so when they find out about your tendency to pass gas when your nervous, you have a leg to stand on.

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